Spiritual Guilt

Do you carry guilt around your spiritual practice? Many people do. In the US and other Western countries, we commonly hear about "Catholic Guilt." But many people in other practices and traditions also experience guilt surrounding their spirituality. Thoughts about not doing enough, fear of punishment, worry about what others think of the way we practice our spirituality or religion can all make it difficult to actually practice in a healthy way.

The first question we should ask ourselves when feeling this way is, "What am I afraid of here?" If the answer is along the lines of "stalled growth" then the way to deal with it is far different and less drastic than "I'm afraid of being punished."

Let's start with the fear of punishment. Especially in American Conservative Protestant Christian traditions, the fear of Hell is very real and instilled in children from birth if their parents raise them in conservative spaces.

A quick online search for "Christian Deconstruction" or spending time in Deconstructionist spaces will lead you to stories of people experiencing very real anxiety over this. It's one of the things that keeps people in an unhealthy and sometimes downright abusive relationship with their belief system.

Other faiths also use fear tactics, but this is the one I am most familiar with. Fear-based teachings will take the most kind and intelligent people and turn their spirituality into a way to make them feel guilty enough to stay in a space that doesn't help them grow so much as keep them in line.

So what do you do when you wake up one day to find yourself in a place like this? The details will differ from person to person. But many people find their answer in leaving the unhealthy environment.

Some people will do so slowly, showing up to gatherings less and less, finding another group with more open and progressive views, doing a lot of research on their own about the history of their own practice and how it came to be this way. Others will walk away cold turkey and never look back.

What matters is creating enough distance to honestly evaluate whether the path you're on is helping you grow or simply keeping you afraid.

The sort of guilt that punitive spirituality places on our shoulders is a lot to bear and for some people, they stop agreeing to carry it and then allow time to heal. Some people find the need for professional counseling. Some find solace in atheism. Still others, like me, turn to a completely different religion to practice on their own.

The common denominator is the freedom from fear and guilt that often comes when we realize we don't have to sacrifice our own growth in order to serve an institution, belief system, or community that no longer fits. The guilt starts to resolve itself. Then real growth can begin. The ability to choose a path that truly makes sense to yourself sets in.

You can try different things on and see what fits. Some people hit their stride immediately and others try multiple ideas on for size before settling into a path that feels right.

Now what if that was not your journey? What if you have a perfectly reasonable and healthy relationship with your practice and belief system? Maybe your guilt stems from knowing what you should be doing and not doing it. Not because you'll be punished in some way, but because you know that if you read that book, take that class, or listen to that podcast you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself and how you see the world. But for whatever reason, you haven't made the time. Maybe you know you should take the time to do those breathing exercises or do that self-healing technique you learned because you'd feel so much better if you did.

Here is your permission slip to let go of that guilt. We can't do everything. Last week I wrote about simply surviving. Sometimes that's enough. Sometimes life is just so busy with kids, work, whatever takes up your time, that you don't get around to deepening your spiritual practice. And that's okay.

While I very much promote the idea that spiritual practices and growth can be a wonderful part of life, and I'd love for everyone to make an appointment with me to address that, please don't feel guilty if you don't do a single thing.

When the guilt creeps in, no matter the source, ask yourself, "What are my priorities at this time in my life?" "What is a realistic use of my time?" If going to religious gatherings interferes with another higher priority, then let it go. If reading that book that would deepen your understanding is competing with time with your children, let it go.

If your priorities change or you come to the conclusion that you need to rearrange those priorities, do so then. If you need to deepen or reconnect with your practice because stepping away from it is hurting you beyond unnecessary guilt, then take some time and effort to rearrange your schedule.

Whether that's taking five minutes a day for a quick meditation or taking an hour a day to devote to your practice and five hours on Sunday, take the time to decide why you need to make this change and figure out what moves down that priority list.

As always, I'm available for readings and consultations. Booking any kind of session with me does not lock you into the category you choose. Tarot readings sometimes become Reiki sessions. Reiki sessions sometimes become conversations about spirit guides, life transitions, or personal growth. My role is simply to meet you where you are and help you take the next step.

But don't book with me, or anyone else, out of guilt. Book because you're ready to take the next step on your path.